12:00 p.m. - 2007-02-02
Introduction
Moving out on someone you've been with for 10 years and thought you'd never leave is a pretty fucking hard thing to do.
It hurts a lot.
I'm not even sure, really sure, that its what I want to do.
I did it yesterday though. I came to America with two suitcases. I was able to fill up a 2-door with my stuff now. I guess that's progress.
It's hard leaving behind everything you've loved and known. I am filled with boatloads of guilt and truckfulls of anguish.
In the world, my name means 'Held in high esteem'.
This diary is the story of my fall from grace. I'm going to keep it up until I am settled and happy - truly happy.
So why did I move out? Because my wife couldn't express her love for me in a way that meant anything to me. I cooked, cleaned, wash clothes, took out the trash, changes the cat litter (yeck), bought dinners out, put up with the evil step-git.
All I ever wanted was some meaningful conversation, lots of cuddling and appreciation and the odd blowjob.
I haven't had a blowjob since Thanksgiving. And I didn't even get one of my birthday.
So I moved out yesterday, after failing to on Monday. And now I'm living in one bedroom in a gay guys house in Dallas that I found on roommates-dot-com.
I got extraordinarily drunk last night and talked to my friends on secondlife. One of those friends is partially the reason I left, because she makes me feel loved even though we've never met. I didn't leave to be with her. I left because I know now what love should look like. And I want to find it.
So this is my story. I hope it's a love story. I'll not hold anything back in here. If I fuck a sheep, I will write about it*. As long as no-one I know in rl (real life) reads this, I will keep it open to the world.
*I'm not going to fuck a sheep
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